She survived genocide. Now she’s changing the future for other female survivors.
Two years ago, I began writing articles about extraordinary people I’ve met, starting with the rags-to-riches tale of my dear friend Dr…
Two years ago, I began writing articles about extraordinary people I’ve met, starting with the rags-to-riches tale of my dear friend Dr. Larry Gould. Since that time, I’ve been blessed to feature stories about football players fighting the disease of depression, Chassidic CEO’s revealing their secrets of success, millennial Arabs who boycott the Boycott, Divestment, and Sanctions (BDS) movement, and do-gooders of all backgrounds.
It’s reached the point where both my readers and those interviewed themselves are introducing me to people whose stories they find compelling. Recently, I was invited by Father Patrick Desbois, a Catholic priest who passionately speaks out against global anti-Semitism and mass genocide, to the United Nations where he was a receiving a humanitarian award. While there, I met a young woman from Rwanda whose oratorship and eloquence inspired everyone in the auditorium.
I had already written about Africa twice, once about a dynamic Jewish couple who gave $1,000,000 to the African Mission Healthcare Foundation and another time about mega-philanthropist Barry Segal’s efforts to improve educational, cultural and overall wellbeing of communities all across Sub-Saharan Africa. But now I realized I had the chance to interview an up-and-coming millennial who could aptly be described as an emerging leader in the world of social activism.
This Rwandan millennial may not have the resumes of some of my more established people I had interviewed in the past but I believe what she has accomplished so far truly garners her the title of an ambassador of positive change for her people. So, on a bright summer’s morning in New York City, I sat down for coffee with Liliane Pari Umuhoza.
Her smile was genuine and her inclination to share her story was sincere, despite the fact that all hell broke loose on her when she was only two years old. It was 1994 and the Hutu population had instigated a genocide against the Tutsi population in Rwanda, murdering approximately 1 million people and orphaning 1.2 million children. Neighbors turned into perpetrators and her father was murdered before her eyes.
Her family tried to flee but most of them were wiped out.Clutching little Liliane tightly to her breast, her mother managed to escape to the Congo. She lived there with her mother as refugees until it was safe enough for them to return home. But she never did “return home.” With the trauma of the atrocities still poisoning the souls of the survivors, home was never the same again. Plagued with nightmares and insomnia, she couldn’t escape the horrors of what had happened to her mother, family, and friends.
Eventually, she made it to the Agahozo-Shalom Youth Village, a safe haven for orphans founded by Zionist and South African native Anne Heyman. Modeled after youth villages in Israel that cared for orphans of the Holocaust, Agahozo-Shalom is a warm and welcoming home where “tears are dried” (from the Kinyarwanda word “agahozo”) and where traumatized youth can learn to “live in peace” (from the Hebrew word “shalom”).
Liliane joined the community as part of its first year and was immediately paired with 16 “sisters” who had undergone similar suffering to her own. The “Mama” of her house was a Rwandan woman who had lost children during the massacre. Growing up in this environment, Liliane was fed a daily diet of self-empowerment that nurtured in her the desire to live a life of “tikkun olam” (“healing the world”) and a belief that she had something of great value to contribute.
When she finished high school, she was granted a full-scholarship to Juniata College in Pennsylvania. She chose to pursue a degree in Peace and Conflict studies. Soon after arriving, she won the Peace Fellowship award and subsequently was a prize winner in the Bailey Oratorical contest. In her speech, she argued that the way to tackle global genocide was through “education and action”. She quoted Martin Luther King who said, “We are not makers of history, we are made by history.”
“How can we prevent these horrors from happening again?” she asked. “Through eradicating the culture of impunity.” The “impunity” she refers to are those who deny the historical and present reality of mass genocide. A good case in point is the recent resolution of the US House of Representatives formally recognizing the 1915 massacre of Armenians as a “genocide”. Upon witnessing Turkey’s bloody massacre of the Kurds in Northern Syria, lawmakers wished to clearly repeal any association of the United States government “with denial of the Armenian genocide or any other genocide.”
The fight against this cultural impunity, what she terms “a new form of victimization”, led her to a summer internship at Yad Vashem, The World Holocaust Remembrance Center in Jerusalem. During her internship, she was asked to share her story publicly multiple times and found that learning how to tell her story brought her tremendous personal healing. She then began to think of how she could create spaces of healing for other survivors impacted by genocide so that they too could be empowered to share their stories. A seed had been planted and, in the summer of 2017, at age 25, she returned to Rwanda and founded the “Women Genocide Survivors Retreat.”
This gathering of women provides psychological and financial support for survivors of the genocide against the Tutsi, most of whom were raped, impregnated, and contracted HIV. Some of the most powerful moments of this retreat are when survivors who have never shared their stories finally find the courage to share and begin the journey of healing. Additionally, she’s worked with organizations like the Association of Genocide Widows and the Survivors Fund, which provides vital information for survivors and children born from rape.
As our conversation continued, I learned about Liliane’s favorite Rwandan food (“Ubugari — a Rwandan bread made with cassava flavoring) and the dance performances she used to do at her university, showcasing traditional African dances from Rwanda. (“Even dance can be a platform for spreading the word”).
But, while she spoke, I kept thinking about the Torah’s moral mandate for the Jewish tribe to support other tribes who are following in the righteous footsteps of the Biblical Noah, who built an ark to protect all life. Like Noah, Liliane refused to let a monsoon of horror drown her spirit but chose to create a space where life could flourish.
Most people don’t know the names of the powerful women who built the ark with Noah.
But I hope more people will know the name Liliane Pari Umuhoza.
RLW: “What can people do to help you?”
LPU: “We’re about to launch our third women’s retreat so donating to this cause will obviously be helpful. (CLICK HERE). The more funds we raise, the more survivors and children of these survivors we’ll be able to help. Secondly, I’d ask everyone to use their platforms to spread the word. If you use social media like I do, then use that to share stories of survivors, share messages of inclusivity, and help the voiceless find their voice.
RLW: “Liliane, what was your motivation for starting the Women’s Genocide Survivors Retreat?”
LPU: “Every survivor has trauma but it may affect each victim differently. For me, it was my education. When I was in the 8th grade, I began to fail all my classes and had to repeat the 8th grade. I had always been a straight-A student, but that year, I was fighting a battle that nobody knew about. Education was a pillar of my hope for the future, when I failed it, I lost hope. If it wasn’t for Agahozo Shalom, where “ Tikkun Halev” ( Heal the heart) was a priority, I wouldn’t have overcome my struggle. The therapy I received there restored my rhythm for life! The retreat is my dream to use the power of therapy to give the same kind of support to my fellow genocide survivors.”
RLW: “What surprised you from your work with these women?”
LPU: “One thing we can all learn from survivors of trauma is the damage done by rejection. Especially with the women who attend our retreat, we discover how rejected they are often made to feel by other women. In my research for my thesis project, I interviewed scores of women who were labeled as “those women” by their neighbors and family. “Those women” meant women who were raped and women who chose to birth and raise the child of their rapist. Victim blaming is common around the world, especially when it comes to sexual assault and I think it is emotionally draining for the survivors to feel rejected in this way. It is a moral responsibility that we all (male and female) create a better/safe world for women. It is amazing that we are having movement like the #MeToo movement that are creating awareness about sexual assault here in America and this movement really inspire the whole world. However, I’d love to see more male taking the lead in crucial issues like this and being part of the female empowerment movements. I believe this will bring change across international borders.
RLW: “How is your mother doing, all these years later?”
LPU: “I always say that I feel blessed to survive with my mother. The reason I say blessed is because many survivors of my age, most of my friends grew up in orphanages households at a very young age (when they were still toddlers). Having at least one parent is not something we take for granted in my community. I was lucky that my mother got the courage to get married again (not all survivors had that courage) and I now have a wonderful stepfather and three siblings. I am obviously blessed! My mother has truly taught me that happiness is not what you have but the way you are cared for by people around you.”
RLW: “What would you want people to know about your country?”
LPU: “I think it’s sad that most people I’ve met in the United States immediately think of the word “genocide” when they hear the word “Rwanda.” Genocide will always be part of Rwanda’s history. However, that is not the only thing we should be associated with. I want people to know about our political progress and the beautiful values of my people. When tourists come to visit my country, they walk away surprised by the happiness within our communities. Our cheerfulness comes from the deep Rwandan social fabric that is infused with resilience, empathy, and togetherness. I believe we are a living example of what Martin Luther King once said, “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.” No matter what we went through, we find ways to co-exist and be happy together.”
RLW: “What can the average person do to ensure genocide never happens again?”
LPU: “It’s simple. When I see what’s going on in the world today, I know we must focus on tracing the steps that led to [those] genocides. Genocides don’t happen in a day, they happen over years in a vacuum of accountability. Hostility to immigrants, racism, white supremacy — all of these are stepping stones that have the potential to create genocide. And not only racism between white people and black people. We should all be vigilant in making sure to prevent anything that divides us from respecting our shared humanity.”
RLW: “One of my spiritual leaders, the Lubavitcher Rebbe, once taught that the reason G-d created only one couple in the Garden of Eden, and not multiple couples, was to teach that none of His children could claim supremacy over one another since we all evolved from the same ancestral matriarch and patriarch. Is this what you’re talking about?”
LPU: “Exactly! If we put our shared humanity at the center of our conversations, it can help us redefine our way of looking at the real issues that divide us. No matter our political or other disagreements, being mindful and vigilant that we are all humans will prevent us from tearing each other apart. Every time I see pictures of children who were brutally murdered during the genocide against the Tutsi, it always reminds me that my life could have been taken away in a blink of an eye. Life is precious. If we cherish each other, refuse to be silent, and take small steps of action, I believe we can prevent genocide from ever happening again.”